There are few parenting topics that are more polarizing and stir up more passion than the issue of spanking. So we thought for our inaugural blog post it would be great to get the discussion going by letting it all hang out and talk about spanking.
There are not many neutral parties when it comes to spanking. Either you think it’s great or you think it’s abuse. There are few shades in between. I think that’s because there are so many definitions and applications of spanking out there that it’s impossible to objectively talk about the subject without first defining some terms. Afterall, there have been legitimate and tragic physical abuse cases that have used spanking as their justification.
Let me start off by clearly stating that the Bible never condones abuse—especially to our children. Dr. Kevin Leman says that “Parents who emphasize ‘spare the rod and spoil the child’ often misunderstand the spirit of God’s law and overdo it. I always like to remind parents that the shepherds used the rod, for the most part, to guide their sheep, not whack them over the head.”
Dr. Randy Carlson likes to narrow the definition even more. He says “When we talk about a swat, no way are we talking about leaving marks on children. It gets back to the purpose of spanking, which is direction, discipline, teaching – redirecting the child.”
A mother asked Dr. Leman if it was OK to swat the hand of her 9-month-old son once in a while for misbehaving? Her son was playing with the stereo and she didn’t want him to get into the habit, so she would say no and give a little swat on his hand. Dr. Leman responded by saying that he felt 9-months is too young to swat a child. He wouldn’t do it any earlier than 2 years, and he would only do it on their bottoms. He doesn’t recommend swatting a child on the hands or legs and definitely not across the face. He also feels it’s best to use your hand instead of an object like a paddle or spoon. He says “I think the same loving hand that helps a child up when he falls is the same loving hand that should administer the swat. The idea behind the swat on the tail is to get the child’s attention and to let him know that Mom or Dad is very displeased with what just happened.”
When we spanked we used a wooden spoon for the exact opposite reason, so that the hand we used to show affection would not also be used as an instrument of pain. This is a perfect example of how far apart well-meaning christian parents can be on this topic.
So the mother asked how she should discipline her child if he was too young for spanks? Dr. Leman suggested moving him from the scene. If he keeps crawling back after repeated removals, put him into a playpen. “It has soft but firm walls that say, ‘Okay, you sit here for a while.’ For a nine month old, a playpen is a very good form of discipline because discipline should start very early. Spanking, however, should not start that early.”
Another thing to remember is that some children will respond more favorably to spanking than others. I can count the number of spankings one of our kids received their whole childhood on one hand, while another of our kids used that number up in one day. Dr. Randy Carlson says, “With some kids you can spank and spank, and it just becomes a power struggle. But if you’re going to spank at all, it shouldn’t be done any younger than eighteen to twenty-four months. Kevin leans to twenty-four months, but I would go down to maybe eighteen.”
Check out our Articles & Videos section to see video clips on the topic of spanking. Look under “Discipline”
What do you think? Do you, or will you be spanking your children as part of your discipline strategy? What is the right age to start? How will you do it? If you don’t plan on spanking, what methods will you use to discipline and train your child?
